Sharon’s son, George & Matt’s wife, Betsy
1/1/2020……. Betsy lost her husband Matt due to Alzheimer’s disease on the same exact day I lost my mother, Sharon due to Parkinson’s disease. It has bonded us together for life. We wanted to share our thoughts and ideas on tough topics in caregiving as well as send thoughts and prayers for others diagnosed and caregivers, so this BLOG was created in their memories.
The Tackling Tough Topics BLOG 3: Legal Matters- Wills and Power of Attorney.
3/1/2024
This blog is dedicated to all those caretakers caring for a loved one with any disease, to all of those diagnosed. We hear you; we see you and we will never stop fighting until there is a cure!
Sharon’s son, George:
My mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and late dementia also set in. Her final four years were very tough. She struggled and as her caregiver I did not know who to turn to or how to help get her the best care possible. We tried everything.
I was very unlucky because my mother struggles and as her caregiver I saw a strong, confident and independent woman taken day after day due to Parkinsons and dementia. However, through the dark, my mother was a fighter. She even took care of her own funeral planning despite not ever knowing it would come at the young age of 69 years old. My mother had Parkinsons for 15 years, but it was not until the last 4 when it seemed to slowly take over her mind, body and affected her badly.
When I became my mother’s caregiver I sat and looked at all the areas that I needed to support mom through. It was not easy. From taking away her car keys because she could be a danger to herself or others, to becoming her power of attorney or to hiring a will attorney to ensure her affairs were taken care of, each step was heartbreaking. I would think no one expects to have to do those things in their early 60’s but I am grateful she did.
When she suddenly passed on 1/1/2020 the funeral and my speech were the most difficult times in my life. I lost my best friend and a piece of me was lost with her. However even in passing she handled her life so orderly, accurately and planned that for me the caregiver it was a little less of a burden. It is amazing that even then she thought of others and did not want us to go through even more pressure.
Wills
According to the American Bar Association, a will provides for the distribution of certain property owned by you at the time of your death, and generally you may dispose of such property in any manner you choose. Your right to dispose of property as you choose, however, may be subject to forced heirship laws of most states that prevent you from disinheriting a spouse and, in some cases, children. (ABA, 2024.) My mother did have some valuables, and a home so we needed to ensure it was all distributed according to her wishes. I believe you want your loved one to decide on these items and you should do it as early as possible because late onset dementia set in and that poses many challenges and, in some states, your loved one may not have the mental capacity due to the disease to form a legal and valid binding will.
Power of Attorney
According to the American Bar Association, A power of attorney is accepted in all states, but the rules and requirements differ from state to state. A power of attorney gives one or more people the power to act on your behalf as your agent. The power may be limited to a particular activity, such as closing the sale of your home, or be general in its application. (ABA, 2024). This is another critical topic. If your loved one cannot make decisions under the law due to a life ending illness, then someone needs to step in. If it is not accomplished, then outside parties may have to step in and it can get messy. My family did not find ourselves in this combative state because my mother planned, and we agreed that I would serve on her behalf. She trusted me and despite being an attorney that did not affect my judgement and upholding her wishes as best I could under the law. If we had not then the state could step in, families may go to battle and it is all unnecessary, stressful and can be avoided through selecting and appointing the right power of attorney.
Matt’s wife, Betsy:
I have found many people do not want to discuss having a Power of Attorney concerning financial and medical affairs for themselves as well as their loved ones.
It is my opinion that everyone at age 18 needs to have a will, medical directive, and someone as POA for medical and financial matters.
Did you know when your child is 18 years old that parents do not have to be told about their adult children ‘s medical care? When your 18-year-old goes to college what happens if there was a car accident, sudden illness, or injury? Even if your children don’t go to college who will be making decisions about their medical care?
I know I thought about this, and I went to a lawyer to be my son’s POA and had Josh do a medical directive.
The will and POA legal paperwork can always be changed when they have employment, have a partner, or get married. I also have seen where people do not want to do this when they have a terminal diagnosis. Some people think they are taking away someone’s power to make decisions.
I took Matt for POA and medical directive as soon as I could while Matt was mentally able to understand what he was doing. I always included Matt in his decision about medical care if he was able to understand. I know from experience that filling out paperwork for Medicare, pensions, and life insurance they all asked for POA paperwork. Medical doctors, hospitals insurances will not disclose any information unless you have POA. We may not agree with our loved one’s decisions, but we should honor and respect their wishes.
I highly recommend discussing these important matters with your family or friends about your decisions and finding someone you know who you trust will honor what your wishes are! There is no discord when your wishes are made known in a legal document. Family members may quarrel and disagree about end-of-life care, which is unfortunate. It is also important to have a will to include who you want to have your jewelry, money, or property left to. Is there any organization or charities you would want to donate to? How about organ donations?
Please consult an elder law attorney in your area.
——————————————–
George’s Biography
Dr. George Ackerman is from Brooklyn, N.Y. Now residing in Florida, he works in the fields of law, police, and education. George lost his mother, Sharon Riff Ackerman on 1/1/2020 due to Parkinson’s Disease.
George wanted to honor his mother and continue to help in the Parkinson’s awareness cause and did not know how to bring change. With my family, we started TogetherForSharon® as a family to keep my mother, Sharon Riff Ackerman’s, memory alive and to share the message of Parkinson’s Awareness and hope for a cure.
Today https://www.togetherforsharon.com/ reaches thousands of individuals across the country for PD Awareness. George currently interviews individuals throughout the Parkinson’s community including various foundations, caregivers, and Parkinson’s warriors to help share their stories and causes.
Betsy’s Biography
Betsy Wurzel is a graduate of Middlesex County Voc-Tech High School where she received a License Practical Nurse training and diploma. Betsy has worked in various hospitals and worked in a state facility caring for severely disabled clients.
Betsy began her advocacy when her husband Matt was diagnosed with Early-onset Alzheimer’s and was disappointed and frustrated with the medical community. Betsy created and founded the # Kick Alzheimer’s Ass Movement Group on Facebook in February 2019 so no one should ever walk their journey alone during caregiving or after caregiving!
Betsy was discovered by Jeanne M White who is Station Manager of Passionate World Talk Radio in June 2018. Betsy talked weekly on Jeanne White‘s Caregiver Connect series and encouraged other caregivers to share their stories. Betsy started Chatting with Betsy show in September 2019. Betsy wants people to know there are resources out there to help them and they are not alone! Chatting with Betsy covers a variety of topics. Betsy was nominated for the Caregiving Visionary Advocate Award in Nov, 2021and received the award!
Matt was and will always be my inspiration for all I do!
References
American Bar Association (2024). Introduction to Wills. Retrieved from https://www.americanbar.org/groups/real_property_trust_estate/resources/estate_planning/an_introduction_to_wills/
American Bar Association (2024). Power of Attorney. Retrieved from https://www.americanbar.org/groups/real_property_trust_estate/resources/estate_planning/power_of_attorney/