An “in memory” interview with Lynn Smargis: A Dedication to the Devotion of Grammy Jean on March 28, 2024.
Please tell me about yourself.
I’m a senior advisor, author, podcaster, and mom of four adult children. I was born and will always be creative at heart! I’m the mom to four adult kids, ages 24 to 28, a black lab, Lily, two cats, Hemingway and Jack the Kat, and a grandma to my grand furbaby, a two-year-old German Shepherd, and my daughter’s service dog, Minnow.
Tell me about your loved one who passed.
Jean was my mother-in-law who had an undying conviction for her faith in God and became an ordained Pentecostal minister after retiring and earning her Ph.D. She enjoyed musicals, shopping, reading, and writing. She loved books so much that she set up a library of her books using the Dewey decimal system! Jean wrote endless stories about her life, relationship with God, and grandchildren. She was a dedicated and loving grandmother to her six grandchildren, two of whom she helped to raise.
What was it like to be a caregiver?
I was her respite caregiver one summer to give our daughter a break from caregiving (she was her full-time caregiver at the time). In addition to Parkinson’s and dementia, Jean was also diabetic and was having a hard time controlling her blood sugar. I was able to cook her healthy food, and while I was her caregiver, her blood sugar leveled out. She was a good person but very stubborn and was embarrassed to use a walker. She scared me several times getting out of the car without it when we ran errands together, and even though I insisted she use her walker, she never listened to me. That was Jean, once she formulated an idea in her head, she was so stubborn that she wouldn’t let it go.
While I was caregiving for her, I emplored my husband to let me retrieve their family stories by interviewing his mom while caring for her. As a podcaster, I could have quickly taken down their family history. Unfortunately, my husband didn’t feel it was necessary at this time. He thought he would have time to talk to her about their family stories – the stories only she knew. However, I could see the writing on the wall because I took care of my two parents at the end of their lives and knew this scenario all too well. Jean was sliding down that same slippery slope of decline towards the end of her life.
While caregiving for Jean, I made sure she was active and walked around to move from place to place when she wasn’t napping, eating, or engaging in an activity. Unfortunately, the 24-hour nursing staff that was in place at her home after I left did not care for her correctly, and she ended up with two-bed sores that never healed.
Then, after surgery to fix a digestive issue, she spent the remainder of her days bedridden in a nursing facility. As a result of the combined physical and cognitive decline, Jean didn’t understand what time of day it was, where she was, and why she was sick.
Can you tell me more about the individual? Background, history?
She loved her grandchildren and supported them in every way she could – from praise, to monetary support, and showing up at their competitions, school functions, driving them back and forth to school. I don’t know another grandmother who was so dedicated to making sure her grandchildren had all the love and support they needed in life.
What do you miss most about the person?
Jean loved to watch our son, who was a winter athlete when she was alive, in competitions and cheered him on every step of the way. She also financially supported him as he traveled the world to compete. Jean was able to watch her grandson compete in the winter Olympics in China in 2022 on the TV. None of us were able to attend because China was not allowing families to watch. He wrote her a wonderful note thanking her for her support, letting her know how much he appreciated her. He said in his note, “I wouldn’t be here without you.”
How did Parkinson’s impact your family and your life?
My mother-in-law, Jean, was a woman who was very committed to her church and God and was known as Pastor Jean to her congregation. She was well respected in her community, where she spent countless hours volunteering at the local hospital supporting families who lost loved ones, from children to older adults.
She sat with them in the hospital through hurricanes, sunny days, holidays, and weekends. Her undying support of families made her a highly valued member of her community.
When were they diagnosed?
She was diagnosed with stage 4 Parkinson’s in 2022. We could see her slipping away as her disease progressed and her overall health declined. Jean went from being an active member of her community in 2018, when she wrote in her journal that she felt “something in my body has shifted” to having tremors, which she tried to hide, then she started losing weight, the tremors became shaking and spread from her hands to her head.
Jean didn’t want to address the issue, so she lived with her changing and progressing disease until her symptoms were so severe that her son, Mark (my husband’s brother), who is a physician, insisted she see her doctor about her symptoms. She was diagnosed with stage 4 Parkinsons, and although she was not formally diagnosed with dementia, we watched as her memory started fading at the end.
Jean gave up driving and started taking her Parkinson’s medication. Our daughter and her husband moved in with grammy, as she was affectionately known, to take care of her full-time at home.
What year did your loved one pass?
Our family took shifts checking in on her daily and made her as comfortable as we could. On her last birthday, we spent together on a video call as we live across the country; we sang Happy Birthday, she had a cupcake, and visited with her grandchildren and my husband’s brother. Three weeks later, in late November of 2022, she left Earth for her heavenly realm.
What are your fondest memories together?
She was always firm and deeply committed to what she valued most. Jean stood fast by what she believed in and who she was. At her service, I had several people express to me how much she had helped their family through the toughest of times, including one man who told me that Jean saved his son from committing suicide.
What else would you like to share about your loved one?
Jean was one of the most empowered women I have known. She clearly understood her purpose in life, which was to serve God and others. She never wavered in her commitment to supporting the families of her church and the local hospital. The deacon of her church was so grateful to have Jean as part of his congregation. He supported her in whatever way he could, including driving her to doctor appointments and taking her to church when she could.
What memory do you want the world to remember forever?
She is missed by so many – the thousands of lives she touched, the congregation she was a part of, but most of all, she is missed by her grandchildren, whom she valued more than anything else in her life. They brought her endless joy, and she showered them with love and affection, supporting them in every way possible.
Thank you, Jean, for your service, love, and compassion to this world! Your legacy lives on in the lives and hearts of those you cared for, counseled, and loved on this Earth.