Sharon’s son, George & Matt’s wife, Betsy
1/1/2020……. Betsy lost her husband, Matt, due to Alzheimer’s disease on the same day I lost my mother, Sharon, due to Parkinson’s disease. It has bonded us together for life. We wanted to share our thoughts and ideas on tough topics in caregiving and send thoughts and prayers for others diagnosed and caregivers, so this BLOG was created in their memories.
The Tackling Tough Topics BLOG 8: Maintaining your marriage or partnership during caregiving.
9/1/2024
This blog is dedicated to all those caretakers who care for a loved one with any disease and to those who have been diagnosed. We hear you; we see you, and we will never stop fighting until there is a cure!
Sharon’s son, George:
This is a critical topic and one that is close to my heart because we went through diffident highs and lows while caring for my mother, Sharon.
In my book, A Son’s Journey: from Parkinson’s Disease Caregiver to Advocate, I discussed how important it was for me to have support from my wife, Grether, and my children during my caregiving for my mother during her battle with Parkinson’s disease.
There were many hours and, at times, days when I was present with my mother, but that left a household of three children, two cats, and two dogs to tend to by my wife. Also, a husband and wife typically share the bills, keep up a house, and have several other responsibilities.
I was assisting my mother as much as I was able to because although many medical doctors told us that my mother “would not die of PD, only with it,” her health during the final four years rapidly declined, possibly due to drastic medication changes under doctor care. Still, I knew she only felt at ease and safe when I was beside her.
Thankfully, my wife was also best friends with my mother, which made it easier to know that my wife truly wanted me to be by my mother’s side through tough times. Whenever we could, we would bring the children to my mother’s home. We even had a dedicated room called the playroom where the kids made a mess and played with toys, and my mother’s face lit up with joy anytime the children were over. In those moments, Parkinson’s didn’t exist, and we were a family again.
I am grateful for my time as a caregiver today as an advocate. My wife stands right by my side to support me, care for me, and remember the better days, reminiscing about memories of the three of us during happier days together. My wife even started The TogetherForSharon® Podcast. During our first episode, I interviewed her about being a female caregiver, and today, she is interviewing me about my book dedicated to the memory of my mother. See 8/13/2023 Episode 1: A conversation on awareness with Grether Ackerman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YzwLdQqr1o&list=PLyPrpFGNpZcRTVYFGfSFCGlKQScypO4lj&index=3
I doubt I could have survived these past four years without my wife’s love, support, and devotion. As I often tell her, our love is always & forever, and there is not a day I am not grateful for all she does for me, did for mom and does today for our family and beyond.
Some tips:
Try to find some time to set aside for one another.
Work together as a team.
Support each other.
Plan but have backups.
Smile together.
Love, Live and Learn…. Together.
Matt’s wife, Betsy:
I can’t impress enough how important it is to maintain your marriage or partnership during caregiving! Caregiving will be over at some point and your relationship can be in ruins by then!
I have seen marriages and relationships fall apart during caregiving. I will tell you how this happens:
- One spouse or partner does all the work with no support.
- Resentment sets in due to no support.
- Both people and one person do not work in the relationship alone.
- Not communicating and not spending time together.
Here are my recommendations:
- Have support from outside sources such as individual counseling, couples counseling, and home care support for your loved one.
Make time to spend as a couple! This is very important!
- Keep lines of communication open!
- Couples should communicate!
- Work as a team!
Working as a team is very important!
The caregiving responsibilities shouldn’t be for just one person! I highly recommend counseling for couples!
——————————————–
George’s Biography
Dr. George Ackerman is from Brooklyn, N.Y. He now resides in Florida and works in the fields of law, police, and education. George lost his mother, Sharon Riff Ackerman, on 1/1/2020 due to Parkinson’s Disease.
George wanted to honor his mother and continue to help in the Parkinson’s awareness cause, but he did not know how to bring about change. With my family, we started TogetherForSharon® to keep my mother, Sharon Riff Ackerman, ‘s memory alive and share the message of Parkinson’s Awareness and hope for a cure.
Today, https://www.togetherforsharon.com/ reaches thousands of individuals across the country to raise awareness of Parkinson’s disease. George currently interviews individuals throughout the Parkinson’s community, including various foundations, caregivers, and Parkinson’s warriors, to help share their stories and causes.
Betsy’s Biography
Betsy Wurzel graduated from Middlesex County Voc-Tech High School, where she received a License for Practical Nurse training and a diploma. Betsy has worked in various hospitals and a state facility caring for severely disabled clients.
Betsy began her advocacy when her husband Matt was diagnosed with Early-onset Alzheimer’s and was disappointed and frustrated with the medical community. Betsy created and founded the # Kick Alzheimer’s Ass Movement Group on Facebook in February 2019, so no one should ever walk their journey alone during caregiving or after caregiving!
Betsy was discovered by Jeanne M White, who is the Station Manager of Passionate World Talk Radio, in June 2018. Betsy talked weekly on Jeanne White’s Caregiver Connect series and encouraged other caregivers to share their stories. Betsy started Chatting with Betsy show in September 2019. Betsy wants people to know there are resources to help them and they are not alone! Chatting with Betsy covers a variety of topics. Betsy was nominated for the Caregiving Visionary Advocate Award in Nov 2021 and received the award!
Matt was and will always be my inspiration for all I do!
References
Ackerman, G. (2024). A Son’s Journey: from Parkinson’s Disease Caregiver to Advocate. Retrieved from https://www.togetherforsharon.com/my-book/
Ackerman, G. (20203). Episode 1: A conversation on awareness with Grether Ackerman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YzwLdQqr1o&list=PLyPrpFGNpZcRTVYFGfSFCGlKQScypO4lj&index=3